


Of Mice and Men

by badgerpride89



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Completely unbetaed, M/M, and puts an OT3 spin on the conversation., set during the prison scene in "Of Bread and Circuses'
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-31
Updated: 2017-08-31
Packaged: 2018-12-21 23:45:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11955219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/badgerpride89/pseuds/badgerpride89
Summary: If Spock can't handle his own feelings, how can Leonard entrust him with Jim's? With his own? Set during the prison scene in "Of Bread and Circuses', and puts an OT3 spin on the conversation. Not that the episode needs a lot of help with that.





	Of Mice and Men

**Author's Note:**

> Migrating this old story from Live Journal.

 

He hates this. Hates being trapped behind bars while one friend paces up a storm and the other is god only knows where. Hates these damn situations said friends manage to drag him into all damn time. Hates that he's started going along with them without a fuss. Still, for all the things he hates, Leonard finds himself amused and a bit grateful for this particular experience. He should hate the way Spock paces about the cell, hate the way Spock obsessively fixates on the hinges, the bars, clinging to the slim possibility that his own abilities failed him and that something, anything, could give them an advantage.

But, Leonard can't. It's the first, pardon the expression, human mood Leonard's seen from the Vulcan in weeks. He can even pinpoint the exact last moment Spock allowed himself to feel so deeply, too: the instant he realized that Jim was alive. Since then, Spock had been doing his damnedest to prove to himself and everyone around him that those feelings weren't real; just caused by the strain of his illness and the sheer improbability of Jim's survival. Leonard knows better. And while he's taken Jim's advice and staunchly _not brought it up,_ that doesn't mean Leonard's liked or even been comfortable with it.

So yes, Leonard should hate this but he doesn't, not now when he finally has another peek into the man who is slowly but surely winding Jim and Leonard tighter around himself like thread on a spool. He watches Spock test the bars again and can't help grinning to himself. No, Spock, that little outburst above Vulcan was anything but the fever.

Still, Leonard takes pity on the man and gives him and himself something else to focus on besides what their captors could be doing to Jim. "Angry, Mr. Spock, or frustrated, perhaps?" He phrases it as a question but, really, it's an invitation, an open hand. Leonard's way of saying "Let me help" without the words or freaking the Vulcan out.

Spock doesn't even look at him but his posture shifts. It's more relaxed now that they're on familiar ground. "Such emotions are foreign to me, Doctor. I was merely testing the strength of the door," he says, more like he's trying to convince himself than Leonard.

Leonard nods though Spock can't see it. "For the fifteenth time," he returns gently.

Spock doesn't answer and Leonard takes it for the concession it is. Leonard stands and walks toward the Vulcan. Spock doesn't do small talk so Leonard searches for a topic to keep the conversation going.

"Spock, I, uh," he begins and Spock still isn't looking at him. "I know we've had our differences." Understatement of the century, Leonard. "Maybe they're jokes; I dunno. As Jim says, we're often not sure ourselves sometimes-"

"Doctor, I am seeking a means of escape. Would you please be brief?" And if that isn't irritation in those brown eyes, Leonard will drink Scotty's entire stash.

He wants to tell Spock not to worry. Wants to tell the Vulcan to just _let him in_ so that together, they can deal with whatever's going on that Vulcan head of his, come up with a plan, and get the hell outta here. But he figures Spock won't understand or will reject any obvious overture so he doesn't.

He instead continues the crazy dance around the three of them have going.

"What I'm trying to say is you saved my life in the arena," Leonard says and prepares to thank Spock. Logical or not, Spock is half human and some part of him has to want to be presented with gratitude.

"Yes, that's quite true," Spock says nonchalantly, rejecting the invitation with such a resounding slap Leonard's surprised it's completely metaphorical.

"I'm trying to thank you, you pointed eared hobgoblin!" he seethes, his voice tight. Until he sees the look on Spock's face. It's subtle but he can detect a certain smugness and relief in it.

"Oh, yes, you humans and your emotion need to express gratitude," he says chidingly. "You're welcome, I believe is the correct response." It's a hair's breadth away from mocking, like so many of Spock's come backs, and as the Vulcan paces back to the other end of the cell, Leonard suddenly gets it.

Deflection.

It's so simple Leonard almost laughs at himself for not recognizing the tactic right away. Spock always has been a wily one, so good at shutting down not even Jim can break through sometimes. And suddenly, Leonard's tired of it. Of the deflections, the guesses, of the run around, of Spock's refusal to understand both himself and those around him. They're all going to regret it if someone doesn't confront him head on about it soon. And since Jim won't (nevermind that Jim's physically somewhere else right now), the task falls to Leonard.

He misses what Spock says as he crouches. Leonard flies up behind him and violently shoves him around. He wants to see Spock, dammit.

"You know why you're not afraid to die, Spock?" It's a statement masked as a question and Spock instantly tenses. "You're more afraid of living."

Spock's silence is stony but the look in his eye tells Leonard everything. There's no surprise there, nice to have confirmation Spock knows Leonard can see right through him if he so chooses, just the look of a man enduring a rather unpleasant root canal.

"Each day you stay alive is just one more day you might slip...and let your human half peek out," Leonard continues and again, Spock does him the respect of not denying it. But Spock still doesn't get what Leonard is trying to say. _Let me in._

"That's it, isn it? Insecurity," Leonard hisses at him and all the frustration and anger over their damn dance burst the dam.

"Why, you wouldn't know what to do with a genuine warm, decent feeling," he spits. He doesn't mean it, not really. Spock does know how to care for others, certainly, and he does know what to do with a warm feeling. Or at least, he's learning. Never the less, as Spock's gaze returns to the bars, Leonard has to admit he's curious as to Spock's answer.

The cell is silent for a moment and Leonard wonders if he's pushed too far. He's always been a tough love sort and lord knows Spock doesn't respond well to that at all. But Spock takes a deep breath and faces Leonard like a man facing his execution. He locks eyes with Leonard, brown on blue, and says, quietly but fiercely, "Really, Doctor." It's half way between a question and condemnation and it's all Leonard can do not to wince at the accusation and betrayal laced in the simple phrase.

Leonard is, after all, one of the two people in the universe who can find the real Spock. And he sees what Spock's really saying. 'I'm trying, isn't that good enough?' And perhaps he is trying but no, it's not enough. Not really. Because at the end of the day, he and Jim, though Jim's blind to Leonard's part, thank god, are slowly winding their way towards the Vulcan and if Spock can't find a way to hold on tight, this whole thing is going to unravel. That possibility scares the crap out of the doctor.

At the same time, Leonard doesn't want to hurt Spock by pointing that out so he sets his jaw and takes a deep breath of his own. "I know," he says gently then lies through his teeth. "I'm worried about Jim too."

It won't solve the problem but that gap between them shrinks slightly. Leonard slumps on the ground, shaking his head at his damn heart for deciding to put this off til another day. The longer things stay silent, the greater the chances of disaster. But Leonard trusts Jim's assessments and if he thinks Spock can learn to hold Jim's heart without breaking it or running scared because of it, Leonard will believe the same of his.

Leonard stands, his scuffling steps echoing across the cell, and heads back to the cot.

"Why?" Spock asks, his voice low, and his gaze still lost in thought.

"Why what?" Leonard barely manages to not snap.

"Why did you make those statements?" he clarifies.

Leonard chuckles darkly. "You don't know?" he asks lowly as his eyebrow rises.

"I would not ask if I knew," Spock returns, finally facing Leonard as the doctor sits on the cot.

Leonard fights to hold down the bitter chuckle, to not drop his head into his hands and shake it at the insanity of the situation. If there's one thing Leonard has always known about Spock, it's that when the Vulcan fixates, really fixates, on something, he blinds himself to all else. And now he knows that applies to relationships as well. Damn it all, why did Leonard have to fall for the two people in the entire universe who just didn't get it? The two people who saw each other but were blind to him?

"Leonard?" It's the address that snaps Leonard from his musings. He can count the number of times Spock's addressed him by first name on one hand: zero.

Leonard clears his throat and tries to cover for his wandering thoughts. "Just tryin' to find something to talk about," he says with a shrug. "You're the one who turned it into 'let's analyze the Vulcan' hour."

"You were the one who started the conversation, Doctor," Spock returns with a pointed look. "Not I. And you still have not answered the question."

Leonard leans his head against the wall. "You have your secrets, Mr. Spock. Let me have mine," he finally says. He feels rather than sees the look Spock levies upon him.

"You're not the only stubborn ass around here," Leonard says and waves his hand. "I'll tell you one day."

"One day?" Spock asks skeptically.

"Before the end of the five year mission," Leonard promises, a deep pit gnawing in his stomach. For all Spock acted like a man at his execution, it is Leonard who signs his own death warrant. He knows Spock will remember this conversation, will count down the days, and will finally force the issue.

At best, he'll have to deal with Spock and Jim's incredulity that someone could fall in love with two people. At worst, he'll be a rival, a wedge attempting to come between them. A jealous best friend.

And if he's damned lucky, he'll have to hand what remained of his heart to them and pray like mad.


End file.
